If I asked you how polite you are, what would your answer be? Don’t worry; you don’t have to tell me, but just take a moment to think about it.
A few days ago, my teacher brought up three simple yet powerful words: Thank You, Sorry, and Appreciate. That conversation was a huge reminder for me about the little things that often slip through the cracks in our daily lives.
Let’s Talk About Thank You
I’ll be honest— I don’t say Thank You nearly as often as I should. And I’m guessing the same is true for most of us. Think about it: how often do you actually hear people saying Thank You in conversations? Rarely, right? It’s probably one of the most underused phrases in the world. But there are so many moments where we could use it and make someone’s day just a little brighter.
For example, how do you usually respond to compliments? If you’re anything like me, you might brush them off or downplay them. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to come across as arrogant, but ironically, it can feel dismissive to the person giving the compliment. Instead of deflecting, why not just smile and say Thank You?
Here’s what I mean:
- Someone says, “Your outfit looks amazing!”
And instead of replying, “Oh, this? It’s so old,” what if you said, “Thank you! I’m so glad you like it.” - Someone tells you, “You did great in that presentation!”
Instead of, “Did I? I was so nervous,” try, “Thank you! I’m happy it went well.”
See the difference? Accepting compliments gracefully not only acknowledges the other person’s kindness but also lets you enjoy the moment.
Everyday Moments to Say Thank You
There are plenty of little opportunities to show gratitude:
- When someone holds the door for you.
- When you’re hosted at a dinner or gathering.
- When someone waits for you or gives up their seat.
- When you receive guidance, a gift, or even just a helping hand.
A simple Thank You can go a long way in making someone feel valued and appreciated.
Sorry – The Word That Changes Everything
Let’s be real—saying Sorry isn’t always easy. But once you start using it, it can change everything. It has the power to heal old wounds, mend broken relationships, and bring peace to the most tense situations.
Growing up, I didn’t understand this. Like many of us, I equated apologising with weakness. When my siblings and I had arguments, I’d refuse to say sorry, thinking it made me look “strong.” Days would go by in silence, with neither side willing to budge. Looking back, it was more about pride than strength.
But life has a way of teaching us. As I travelled and interacted with people from different cultures, I started noticing how much damage unresolved conflicts could cause. Over time, I learned that a heartfelt Sorry can resolve long-standing issues, turn anger into forgiveness, and even save relationships.
The Beauty of Apologising
Apologising doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. Whether it’s a text, a phone call, or a face-to-face conversation, a genuine Sorry can fix misunderstandings, stop unnecessary fights, and replace resentment with love.
When you think about it, isn’t it amazing that one little word can hold so much power?
I know it’s difficult since we are not used to it or our ego does not let us apologise. But we can and we should try. I feel we must change the way we see an apology. Instead of believing it will make us weak and small, we should see it as an expression of strength, peace and forgiveness. A way of acknowledging that we are not perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. We are human and even the best of us makes mistakes. As the Hadeeth says:
‘كل ابن ادم خطاء، وخير الخطائين التوابو’
‘All children of Adam do wrong, but the best of them, are the repenters’
Repenters are those who feel remorse and ask for forgiveness. Islam emphasises repentance and forgiveness in many of its teachings.
‘Say, O my servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.’ [Qur’an: Chapter 39, Verse 53]
Another verse says:
‘Thus it is due to mercy from Allah that you deal with them gently, and had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would certainly have dispersed from around you; pardon them therefore and ask pardon for them, and take counsel, with them in the affair: so when you have decided, then place your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who trust.’(3: Verse 159)
Please – The Magic Word
You’ve probably heard it called the “magic word” since childhood, and for a good reason! Adding Please to your requests instantly makes them more polite and respectful. It shows the other person that you value their time and effort.
Imagine these situations:
- Instead of saying, “Pass me the salt,” try, “Could you please pass me the salt?”
- Replace, “Give me your phone for a second,” with, “May I please use your phone for a second?”
The difference isn’t just in the tone—it’s in how the request feels to the other person. Please softens demands, makes requests sound kind, and encourages others to respond positively.
I Appreciate You – Going Beyond Gratitude
Sometimes, a simple Thank You isn’t enough to express what someone means to you. That’s where I Appreciate You comes in. This phrase isn’t just about recognising a single action; it’s about acknowledging someone’s effort, presence, or role in your life.
Here’s when you can use it:
- To a colleague: “I appreciate how hard you worked on this project.”
- To a friend: “I appreciate you always being there for me.”
- To family: “I appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made for us.”
Unlike generic gratitude, this phrase hits deeper—it shows people that they matter to you, not just their actions.
Excuse Me – Politeness in Action
Excuse Me is an underrated gem that smooths over interruptions, acknowledges personal space, and signals respect.
Think about these scenarios:
- You’re in a crowded place and need to get through: “Excuse me, can I pass through?”
- You accidentally interrupt someone: “Oh, excuse me, please continue.”
- You sneeze or cough in public: “Excuse me!”
It’s such a small phrase, yet it can turn potentially awkward moments into courteous exchanges.
How Can I Help? – Offering Support
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words, but this phrase combines the two beautifully. By saying, How can I help?, you show that you’re willing to step in and make someone’s burden lighter.
When to use it:
- A friend is overwhelmed: “How can I help? Let me take something off your plate.”
- At home: “How can I help with dinner or the chores?”
- At work: “How can I help move this project forward?”
This simple phrase can strengthen bonds and foster collaboration, making others feel supported and valued.
You’re Right / I Understand – Validating Others
Sometimes, people don’t want solutions—they just want to be heard. Saying You’re Right or I Understand acknowledges their feelings or perspective, even if you don’t entirely agree.
Examples:
- During an argument: “You’re right. I could’ve handled that better.”
- When someone shares their struggles: “I understand how that must feel.”
These phrases defuse tension and show empathy, making conversations more constructive.
Politeness is a universal concept, but its expression and purpose vary across cultures. While forgiving is one thing, apologising is another. I’ve come to realise that when someone finds the courage to apologise for their mistakes, it speaks volumes about their character. In fact, I’ve experienced this firsthand—after fallouts with friends, their willingness to apologise has completely changed how I see them. It’s hard not to respect and value someone more when they own up to their actions.
Through life’s ups and downs, I’ve learned a powerful truth:
People change. Their hearts change. Their behaviour changes. Their decisions change.
Someone who once seemed distant can become your closest friend or dearest relative. You just need to give them a chance—just as Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala continues to give us countless chances, despite all our mistakes and sins.
At the end of the day, your mistakes don’t define you. What defines you is your ability to own up to them and the way you treat others.
Why Politeness Matters
Politeness and good manners shape how people perceive and remember you. They can strengthen relationships or quietly break them. Without kindness and respect, it’s easy to lose affection and trust, even from those closest to you.
Humility, too, is a cornerstone of good character. Islamic teachings emphasise the importance of being humble and polite—not only because it earns the favour of people but, more importantly, because it pleases Allah.
Politeness, in itself, is a form of charity. Every kind word, every smile, and even a simple Assalamu Alaykom counts as a good deed. These small acts of courtesy are effortless yet hold immense value.
So, where will you start?
